WAR! Wasps — An Unavoidable Part of Country Life

BATTLE CHECKLIST:

Battle suit - check (Honey, does this outfit make me look fat?)

Weapons - check

Secure all civilian personnel safely away from battlefield - check

Communicate to all other military personnel as to their duty status, positions and backup procedure should their assistance be needed - check

Locate enemy stronghold - check

Locate exact location of enemy headquarters - check

Report - Mission accomplished. Enemy has been eliminated.

Operation Hornet Eradication commenced at 0900 hours. The enemy: a wasp nest hidden deep inside a calf hutch. The objective: neutralize the threat without casualties—human, goat, or canine.

I suited up for battle like a seasoned field operative. Head to toe in my trusty bug suit—complete with gloves, boots, and a face shield that made me look like a cross between a beekeeper and an astronaut on a hazardous alien planet. I armed myself with a can of wasp spray powerful enough to drop a small helicopter and took a deep breath. This was war.

Before proceeding to the front lines, I secured the perimeter. The goats and dogs were safely behind a fence, watching intently, their expressions a mix of curiosity and “there goes the crazy human again.” I could practically hear them placing bets on how fast I’d run if things went sideways. The air was tense. I gave a quick salute to my loyal spectators and advanced toward the target.

Now, I’d love to say it was a one-and-done mission—but no, there were actually two nests. Two separate fortresses of buzzing, stinging mayhem. The first one was tucked in deep, camouflaged under the plastic ridge of the calf hutch. The second was in the next shelter over, like they’d franchised their operation.

And yes, I’ll admit it—I took the pictures of the nests after I’d eliminated the enemy. Go ahead and call me chicken. Even wearing my full bug armor, there was no way I was sticking my head inside that hutch while those things were still alive and angry. I waited long after the buzzing stopped before approaching, camera in hand, like a war correspondent documenting the aftermath.

But I’ll give myself credit—I did remember the camera this time. Progress! And as far as missions go, it was a complete success. No stings, no panic, and no survivors on the wasp side. Just another day on the farm, where even a bug battle can feel like a full-scale military operation.

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©2009 Sandy Davis | American Way Farm

Farm Solitude? Ha! My Chainsaw Has Groupies

I thought I liked the solitude of working in the woods—just me, the trees, and the gentle purr of my trusty chainsaw. Peaceful, right? Like a lumberjack’s version of meditation. Birds chirping. Fresh air. No distractions.

Yeah… that dream went up in sawdust.

These days, heading to the woods is less “Walden Pond” and more “Woodstock for Livestock.” The second that chainsaw starts up, it’s like I’ve announced a free buffet and a square dance. Every critter we own comes running like I just cracked open a box of Pop-Tarts.

And oddly enough, they respond faster to that chainsaw than they do to the sound of a grain scoop. Which tells me two things:

1. They clearly have no survival instincts.

2. I may have accidentally trained them to associate tree-felling with entertainment.

Jim (a.k.a. Dear Husband, Chainsaw Master, and Chief Tree Toppler) has figured out how to manage the madness. He drops a few small trees first—basically throwing them a stick and saying, “Go fetch, ya goobers.” Keeps them busy and, more importantly, out from under the falling timber. Because let’s be honest, it’s all fun and games until a chicken gets squished into a feathered pancake or a goat tries to play “log dodge.”

So no, I don’t get solitude. What I get is a chainsaw symphony with backup dancers in fur, fleece, and feathers.

But hey, I wouldn’t trade it. Who needs quiet reflection when you can have a woodland mosh pit featuring a curious sheep, a nosey dog, two daredevil chickens, and one goat with zero sense of personal space?

At least someone’s enjoying the show.

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©2009 Sandy Davis | American Way Farm

Goats: Creatures of Habit

I admit it—I’m a creature of habit. Same time, same channel. My daily routine doesn’t just run like clockwork; it is the clock. I eat the pretty much the same things, go the same places, and heaven help the person who tries to rearrange my furniture.

So I get it when other creatures stick to their routines. But even I have my limits.

We recently moved the goats’ portable shelter about ten feet. Not to another zip code. Not to another field. Just ten feet. Barely a shuffle. I could throw a biscuit farther.

That evening, the goats went to bed... in the old spot. Right there. Plopped themselves down like nothing had changed. Like the shelter had just disappeared.

Now, I’ve had nights where I’ve walked into the kitchen and forgotten why I was there. But I have never looked at a patch of open ground and thought, “Yup. That’s my bed.” Especially not when it’s raining. Especially not when my actual bed is ten feet away with a roof on it.

I tried reasoning with them. I pointed. I coaxed. I may have even given a TED Talk titled “Waterproofing: A Practical Guide to Not Getting Soaked.” They blinked at me. One burped.

So there they sat, in the exact same coordinates where the shelter used to be, convinced they were under cover. Meanwhile, the actual shelter, fully intact, dry as toast, sat lonely and abandoned ten feet away, like the unpopular kid at a middle school dance.

Apparently, to a goat, shelter isn’t about walls and roof—it’s about vibes.

And I thought I was set in my ways.

So yes, I’m a creature of habit. But I also know when it’s raining, I go where the roof is.

But the goats go where the roof once was, and trust the universe to fill in the rest.

You know what? I might start doing that too. Just sit where the chocolate cake used to be and wait.

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©2009 Sandy Davis | American Way Farm

Official Recall Notice from G.O.D. – A Spiritual Reminder

I first read this piece years ago, and it still hits home. It's clever, creative, and a reminder that we're all works in progress. I think about this every time I catch myself needing a bit of a "factory recall." Grace, after all, is the best kind of warranty. Whoever wrote it nailed the message—and I just had to share it with you all. 

Official Recall Notice from G.O.D.

The Maker of all human beings, G.O.D. (Great Omnipotent Deity), has recalled all units manufactured to date, regardless of make or year, due to the post manufacturing development of serious defects in primary and central heart component.

These malfunctions occurred first in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defects in all subsequent units. These defects have all been categorized under the technical term "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," most commonly known by the acronym: S.I.N.

Some of the commonly seen symptoms include:
1. Disobedience
2. Loss of direction
3. Foul vocal emissions
4. Amnesia of origin
5. Lack of peace and joy
6. Selfish or violent behavior
7. Depression or confusion in the mental component
8. Fearfulness
9. Idolatry
10. Rebellion
11. Extreme desires to acquire or possess things

Please note that the Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service to correct this defect, and it is being covered completely free of charge! Technician in charge of repair services, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden and staggering cost of these repairs, and there is no additional fee required.

The number to call in all areas for this repair service is simply: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Upon connection when prompted, please upload your defect (burden) of SIN through the specified REPENTANCE procedure. Next, select and download ATONEMENT as provided by the Repair Technician, JESUS, and it will be automatically injected into the heart component.

No matter how small, or how big the SIN defect has become in any particular unit, JESUS will replace it with (in varying measures according to the need of the defective unit):

1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

After repairs have been completed, please see the Operation Manual, a.k.a. the Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth (B.I.B.L.E.) for further details on the continued use of these new components.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human unit without the above fixes voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will ultimately result in the human unit being permanently impounded (see under DANGER below).

DANGER: All human being units not responding to this recall action will, of necessity, be impounded and eventually scrapped in the Gehenna yard. The S.I.N. defect must be repaired, since no unrepaired unit can be permitted to enter the Heavenly environment in order to prevent contamination of that facility (as outlined by Maker in B.I.B.L.E.). So for free emergency service, give JESUS a call right away.

Thank you in advance for your personal attention to this!
- G.O.D. (the Maker)

P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice. You may also, at any time, contact the Maker by 'knee mail'.

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©2009 Sandy Davis | American Way Farm